The Way Forward

An announcement. As I am sure you are aware, we are, at the time of writing, going through a turbulent period in global finance. None of us is immune. Therefore I have today, after long and heartfelt discussions with our colleagues across the blogosphere, none of whom I've consulted, put together a rescue package that I firmly believe will lead us out of the darkness and back into the sunlit uplands of credibility, or even credulity.

From 0900 GMT Tuesday 30th September 2008 this blog, formerly 'Out The Window Bloke', will merge seamlessly, and with no loss of jobs, with both 'My Grappa Hell' and 'Jeep Rebuild' to create a new, dynamic, lean, fit for purpose Blog: 'My Jeep's Window's Hell To Clean With Grappa'. Could be catchier, I admit, but we must move with the times.

It can only be a matter of time before other notable Blogs are compelled to join forces or risk being swallowed up by some previously unheard-of Blogging combine from the Far East. 'Unmitigated Steam' anyone? All suggestions gratefully received. Please forward to Mr A Darling, 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue', BBC Radio4 , Portland Place, London W1.

Cooking With Fred

Here we see a current Fibonacci favourite under way in the kitchens. My imaginary cook allowed me in to take this picture before shooing me out of the door. I had asked her to prepare something nutritious yet frugal, and quick; particularly if she wanted to keep her imaginary job. She has come up with this, which I must say works rather well.

To eat like Fred you will need: an onion, two courgettes, big fresh field mushrooms, two stalks celery, a red, yellow and green pepper, eight peppercorns, two cloves garlic, sea salt, two or three of Ron Combo's Patent Dried Chilies, tablespoon olive oil, three drops hot chili sauce with indecipherable label from the Syrian deli at the other end of the block, sunflower seeds (optional), anything from the back of the fridge that you should have chucked out days ago but found yourself incapacitated with guilt at the waste, My God The Waste! but not that dodgy cream bun. Pasta.

Get the pasta going. Heat the oil (yes of course in a different pan). Chop the onion, garlic and two chilies into wafer thin slivers. Chop up the rest of the veg into quite large chunks. Add the onion, garlic and chilies and cook until soft and sugary. According to Cook, the garlic and chilies will burn the moment you turn round to prepare your second Plymouth Gin and tonic so stay alert. Add the peppercorns and let them go for a couple of minutes. Turn up the heat before adding the roughly chopped veg, the third chili and the optional sunflower seeds. The extra heat should add a bit of colour to the veg before turning it back down to cook. Wait until all this is as al dente or overcooked as you like; drain pasta, add the above, eat. Chicken or prawns also work very well with this, the chicken should be cubed, the prawns can go in whole. They should go in after you've softened the onions. If it all looks a bit lost chuck in a tin of chopped tomatoes. If you do this be sure to let them simmer a bit; they'll lose that 'just opened' look and reduce to a satisfyingly rich sauce in no time at all.

Time taken, start to finish: equivalent of one and a half large gin and tonics from first chopped vegetable to sitting down at the table, which should be properly set, with crisply folded linen. (Have Mary the maid do this, if you haven't already let her go.) To accompany the dish; a crisp white, any will do. Good luck, and do let me know if it works as well for you as it does for me.

Yours ever

Fred

A Trillionth Of A Second. Ish.

Somewhere in a dusty suburb of New Delhi a phone is ringing:

Brrrr brrr. Brrr brrr. Click. "Good afternoon Sir, thank you for calling CERN24, my name is Vijay and I am here to help you. May I ask who is calling? Thank you.. Hadrian? Adron? Adrian? Forgive me Sir, first of all please Mr Adrian, are you happy with me to call you Adrian? Good, thank you, I'm not sure what you mean by "that will have to do, you haven't got all night" now, yes, I see Adrian yes, you say your Particle Accelerator is giving trouble. Yes, yes, I see, I see. Yes Sir Mr Adrian, I know it has cost a lot of money, please Sir there is no need for that kind of language. Or tone. Thank you, I can understand your frustration Sir, yes. I am sure if you explain the nature of the problem we will have it fixed in a jiffy. Now, please to tell me Adrian, do the Large Particle Accelerator's lights come on when you are switching it on? They do? Good. I beg your pardon? You say you're worried about the eerie glowing one is that right? You say you don't remember it looking like that this morning? Hmmm, you don't say? And you say the walls and floors are, I beg your pardon Sir, war ping? How are you spelling 'war ping' Sir? Oh, I see, one word. No, no I understand. Yes, no, no that's good Sir, I'm sure that's fine and nothing to worry about at all, they all do that. Now, Adrian, please can you now tell me; when you fire the Proton Beam, yes, with the big button, the one on the right underneath the word 'oblivion'. Oh, hah hah! For sure it's good to keep a sense of humour about these things yes Sir, I agree, hah. Now, do you have the 'Caps Lock' key depressed? You do? Well, please I must ask you Adrian to bear with me for just a little longer, I think I have a solution. Please press down and release this key once more, good, you've done that Sir yes? Good, very good, now please and to press "ctrl, alt, delete". This should bring your Large Hadron Collider back online in no time at all - I beg your pardon Adrian? You're saying "My God it's full of stairs." Is that right? Hello? Hello? He....................................

On The Beach Bloke

Me and bike on the beach at St Jacut-de-la-Mer, Brittany. Having borrowed the bike, I rode from Dinan, on a day made for cycling, early last summer. It was a fantastic ride and probably the furthest I'd been on a push-bike for years. My reward was this beach. The tide was out and me and my trusty steed are a long way from land in the pic. The tube sticking out of the bracket on the handlebars is a rolled up map, cleverly arranged so that I could navigate without stopping to unfold it every half hour. Very Mille Miglia, very DSJ. Not shown are the acres of mussel beds that lie here. Hundreds of them, tall and inky black, row upon row of growing mussels. Oh, for a primus and saucepan. I cycled back along empty roads, only stopping to get out of the way of enormous tractors that tore up the lanes from time to time, all of them driven by spotty lads. Who needs a Porsche when the farmer lets you out on his Steyr 9000mt? Thanks for the loan of the bike John.