A Trillionth Of A Second. Ish.

Somewhere in a dusty suburb of New Delhi a phone is ringing:

Brrrr brrr. Brrr brrr. Click. "Good afternoon Sir, thank you for calling CERN24, my name is Vijay and I am here to help you. May I ask who is calling? Thank you.. Hadrian? Adron? Adrian? Forgive me Sir, first of all please Mr Adrian, are you happy with me to call you Adrian? Good, thank you, I'm not sure what you mean by "that will have to do, you haven't got all night" now, yes, I see Adrian yes, you say your Particle Accelerator is giving trouble. Yes, yes, I see, I see. Yes Sir Mr Adrian, I know it has cost a lot of money, please Sir there is no need for that kind of language. Or tone. Thank you, I can understand your frustration Sir, yes. I am sure if you explain the nature of the problem we will have it fixed in a jiffy. Now, please to tell me Adrian, do the Large Particle Accelerator's lights come on when you are switching it on? They do? Good. I beg your pardon? You say you're worried about the eerie glowing one is that right? You say you don't remember it looking like that this morning? Hmmm, you don't say? And you say the walls and floors are, I beg your pardon Sir, war ping? How are you spelling 'war ping' Sir? Oh, I see, one word. No, no I understand. Yes, no, no that's good Sir, I'm sure that's fine and nothing to worry about at all, they all do that. Now, Adrian, please can you now tell me; when you fire the Proton Beam, yes, with the big button, the one on the right underneath the word 'oblivion'. Oh, hah hah! For sure it's good to keep a sense of humour about these things yes Sir, I agree, hah. Now, do you have the 'Caps Lock' key depressed? You do? Well, please I must ask you Adrian to bear with me for just a little longer, I think I have a solution. Please press down and release this key once more, good, you've done that Sir yes? Good, very good, now please and to press "ctrl, alt, delete". This should bring your Large Hadron Collider back online in no time at all - I beg your pardon Adrian? You're saying "My God it's full of stairs." Is that right? Hello? Hello? He....................................